Everyday epiphany

You know that moment when you are about a mile or so in to a run and it starts raining? And you realize that even if you head straight home that instant, you are still going to get soaked so you may as well decide that you like running in the rain? And then you start noticing new things - like how vibrant the colors of the Fall leaves are on the trees when they are wet. And how crisp and clean everything smells all of a sudden. And how the sensation of that little sting of the raindrops falling on your cheeks actually feels kinda good and besides, its hiding those darn tears that keep spontaneously creeping up there?

Its like right at the moment that you decide to accept the things you can't change, you start to be able to appreciate the way it is. I'm trying so hard to do this, but somehow this heartbreak is lingering.

"If life rains on your parade, pull out the slip-n-slide". <-- (good idea!)

Here goes:

Reasons to be happy even though it feels a lot like both the infertility miracle and the adoption miracle have slipped away:
1. With only one child, its easier to get a babysitter when we want to go out of town.
2. Lots of one-on-one time with Mom and Dad.
3. I don't have to worry about picking a favorite.
4. At least the one child I've got is a good one.
5. I don't need a mini-van.
6. It's cheaper to take "the whole family" to do stuff.
7. He both "keeps me young" and I can relate with the "youngest is in school all day" ladies.
8. I have the opportunity to do something else besides SAHMotherhood for umpteen years. (wish I could come up with it, tho!)

I wish that made me feel better. :(

I ran into a past friendly acquaintance the other night at a restaurant and we started chatting. And of course, she has twin boys, a 1 year old and a baby on the way. (btw - is EVERYBODY pregnant right now? b/c it sure feels that way...) and of course the "how many kids do you have now?" question pops up. And we get talking about all the infertility treatments I've been through, the miscarriages and the non-adoptions, etc. She actually says to me when they get up to leave "I'm so glad that I could run into you tonight. I've been feeling overwhelmed dealing with my kids and this new pregnancy. Its so nice to remember that there are people out there who have such harder lives than I do." Ummm thanks for reminding me how bad my life sucks, I guess?? I know she wasn't trying to be mean, but it still stung.

Soooo.... I also believe in the old adage "The only way to is through." But - being the control-freak that I am, I just wish to push through a little faster please. haha

ETA (edited to add): I ran into another old friend tonight. She said "You really only have one child? Why?" I just simply said, "Ya, we're just glad that since we only get one, we got this one. He's a great kid." and Guess what? Yep. She's pregnant. heh.